


wondering, maybe?

by paranoiacintervals



Category: Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald
Genre: Fix-It, M/M, Nick is gay, gatsby isn't dead he's just bisexual, please listen to xiu xiu
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-11
Updated: 2020-03-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:42:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 816
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23100394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/paranoiacintervals/pseuds/paranoiacintervals
Summary: (title from wondering by xiu xiu)in nick’s mind, the story should’ve ended. gatsby got shot, and dead or not, the book would end there.what was there to say, except that this is unnatural, that jay should be dead?
Relationships: Nick Carraway/Jay Gatsby
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44





	wondering, maybe?

**Author's Note:**

> a lot's happened since the last time i posted. i'm 16 now, and hopefully this'll be the last thing i post on here before becoming a serious artist. but for now, i am but a teenage gayboy who read the great gatsby for school (again) and related to nick (because i am gay and have lots of awful crushes on straight men). so i wrote this for me and my friend kory who fully agrees with me despite being a whore.  
> maybe i'll wrap up my twin peaks bullshit? maybe not.

it could really be anything, is what he wanted to think.  
perhaps the water from the swimming pool was that of something holy, cleaning the wound, blessing the cavities.  
not that nick was really so close to a tragedy like this one, so he just assumed this would be fatal. but what did he know?  
jay’s mansion was somewhat empty now, lacking life, lacking humanity, despite nick standing, seemingly in the centre of madness. it was something of a eulogy, despite the detail that-  
“nick!”  
jay lived.  
in this moment, like it hadn’t since their introduction, jay’s voice gave nick chills. nothing surrounded them, no proof anyone but them was alive.  
in nick’s mind, the story should’ve ended. gatsby got shot, and dead or not, the book would end there.  
nick smiled weakly, saying nothing. what was there to say, except that this is unnatural, that jay should be dead?  
while jay was oblivious, nick could feel there was something off. daisy and her husband had left town, leaving some sort of void. not that nick missed them, the routine was just dismantled.  
jay was armed with a cane (for whatever reason, nick would suspect a wheelchair was in order, but then again, no expert on tragedy), walking towards nick, smiling, genuinely happy. guilt rose in nick’s stomach.  
“put it here, old sport.” jay hugged nick with an incoherent strength, as someone who had just recovered from being shot, he shouldn’t have had to strain this.  
“should we-”  
“let’s sit.”  
“right.”  
jay guided nick, as if it was his first time there, somewhat hunched over, a hand on nick’s shoulder. this shouldn’t be happening. it had to be something of an illusion. anxiety rattled nick’s mind as jay’s hand moved to his neck, pushing him closer.  
“well?” jay’s grip tightened, “what’ve you done since we last spoke?”  
nick raised his eyebrows, avoiding gatsby’s gaze, “nothing really out of the ordinary.”  
“you know what’s strange?” nick hummed, jay continued- “they got rid of that green light. the one i’d always see on the edge of my dock.”  
nick blinked. “that is strange.”  
the two sat down. the light was dim- september, leaves outside shedded.  
“how’s bonds going for you?”  
nick shrugged. “how’d you expect.”  
“ah,” jay didn’t understand, but he didn’t continue. “what about your, ah, your other concerns? have you gotten yourself a woman yet, old sport?”  
nick didn’t say anything at first. there was a rational part in his mind insisting he couldn’t trust jay, he couldn’t simply say that he was a homosexual, then jay would dip him low and kiss him, because this wasn’t a moving picture, and they were two men. but something told him he was different. “no.”  
“well, why not? you’re quite handsome, you’re at your prime!” jay shook his head, “whatever happened to jordan?”  
“she simply lost interest.” not that jay would understand that.  
“how about i set you up with a friend of mine? a broad from new orleans, she’s a, a painter, i believe.” jay was excited by his own engagement.  
nick took a deep breath. he didn’t want to do this; it could get him killed, but if there was any way to go out- “well, jay, i... i would say i’m something of a homosexual.”  
silence. it’s not vile; it’s just unforgivably tense. nick refuses to look up.  
“you are?”  
“yes.”  
jay shifts in his chair. “you know, old sport-” he’s trying to soften it, but in this case his pet name is a placebo. “i was wondering- maybe, if i aligned with that, as a homosexual at all.”  
nick looks up, finally meeting jay’s glance. he hummed in response. he had been many men’s experiments, but it was rarely an enjoyable experience. nick didn’t like thinking about how he’s, for many men, a suppressed memory. something they know is there, but they’d rather not think about.  
perhaps gatsby wouldn’t leave him like that. a strangled sin on the edge of his bed, rotting in his mind.  
“would you, er- be open to, perhaps-” nick blinked, pacing towards jay. he shuts a blind, met with a resounding, “no- what are you doing?”  
“so nobody sees us.” this was clockwork, to nick.  
“you made it dark,” jay reached back for the blinds, which nick then undid again. he put a hand on nick’s chin. “i want to see you.”  
nick left out a shaky breath. he sat in jay’s lap, easing off his stomach, making sure not to touch the wound as he trailed a hand up his chest.  
they kissed shakily, jay pressing a firm hand to nick’s back. nick pulled away, breathing heavy, rising from water. “jay?” jay hummed. “i love you.” his voice was bruised.  
jay smiled, tangling a hand in nick’s hair before moving forward. they kissed once more, softer this time.  
something was no longer off- as this was the ending.

**Author's Note:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XH9PKIZEoqU  
> i owe this song my life


End file.
